Growing Pains

I am going to be honest, I have been dragging my feet lately. I have been kicking, screaming, and fighting against God and what I know I am supposed to be doing. I have been praying and trying to wait till I am comfortable, till I feel better about myself, till I think I am ready. But what I have come to find out is that we are most certainly not called to be comfortable. Although I know God is patiently waiting for me to accept the challenge he has issued me and I know that God is loving me but I also know that I will feel better if I quit dragging my feet and try to start living into God’s call.

I feel like I am lost right now. I feel like I am avoiding having deep conversations with God and avoiding that closeness with God. Sort of on purpose but at the same time not on purpose. I can feel that what I am called to do is not easy and is not comfortable. I have to go against what society tells me is normal and listen to the answer to my prayers that God has consistently whispered to my heart.

I am growing and it is not an easy process–I am growing in a way that I am proud of but if I am being one hundred percent honest, sometimes I wonder about God’s plans. I wonder why things didn’t work out like I wanted. I know that God’s plans are the best but that still doesn’t stop my human lack of trust question God’s plan for my life and for the life of those I love.

Things will always turn out better the way God plans them and allows them to happen. Even when I know that everything is better God’s way I still, at times, focus on the hurt. It is a choice to choose God, to choose trusting God, and to choose the path God has asked us to walk–everyday it is a choice. We have that option and I am working towards trying to choose God.

Proverbs 19:21

“Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.”

I recently read a book about an incredible young woman who feels God’s call in her life. This woman chooses God everyday, though his path is hard it is worth it. Kisses from Katie is an amazing and inspirational book, one that is a prime example of what our lives can look like if we choose God everyday. Though our calls are all different, Katie and I agree that we all share one universal call–whatever faith one may practice or not practice–we are ALL called to love one another. Our personal pathways allow us to love people and show love in different ways but the basic goal is the same to spread love.

John 15:12

“This is my commandment that you love one another as I have loved you.”

I have not been fully trusting God with all my heart, and truly believing that God’s plan is the best one. I run from God, I am scared that things will not always work out for the best and I doubt BUT how lucky are we that we worship a loving and forgiving God who is patient with us and always stands beside us. I felt that I needed to be honest with myself, God and my readers. This blog has been such a wonderful outlet for me and it is truly humbling that people would feel that these words I have written have something special to say. The words come from God and I write them publicly because I know I am not the only one to every feel this way; I am not the only one who ever turns or runs from God and I hope that if you have ever felt the way I have shared throughout these posts you find some level of comfort knowing you are not alone. Though this is digital it is a community of faith–know that you are not alone and that you are loved.

Growing is painful, but it is worth it. No matter how we act God remains faithful. We are not alone and when we decide to listen for God’s voice in our life the growing might be painful, but it is worth it. Wings are not an easy thing to grow.

Proverbs 3:5-6

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”

May the peace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with you all.